17 posts from 2008

I hate you.

missing you is not an option

This isn't peace

i piss people off cos im all over the board .. im like park place all in your face when you've got the electric company.  I'm a pro at recycling and Re-using, and I'm reducing my instances of being apologetic, I don't feel bad anymore.  The old me would have erased her dark marked answer completely while the new me is filling in bubbles left and right and laughing in your face to pick a fight.  I'm liking myself and giving myself looks, I'm stealing so many glances I should be tried and prosecuted as a crook.  they say it takes one to know one but I disagree, I believe to know one it takes one to want the other to be in total misery.  You got your wish didn't you?  She's a dish.. you're a dick.. and I'm passing go, collecting $200 dollars and hiding it up my sleeve, you looked the other way, what do you expect?  Recycle your values and you're pabst cans while you're at it, but don't forget to read the surgeon generals warning on the way out: 

what my survival skills are? and where did things go wrong? how did i misuse them, i obv have them or i wouldn't still be here.

you say that love is for losers so I know you must be the biggest.  Your sappy and sopping with emotion and when it spills it stains the carpets for longer than you'd like.  Selfishness is not attractive and you should give up the past, you treat heartache like quicksand and you love sinking fast.  It feels so good to sulk and lay in bed and paint these pictures in your head; she's gone, and you can stare at every blonde until you feel like she's back where she belongs. It's funny to me, it makes me laugh, its comedic in nature that you pine over her and slash skin and through salty tears and gritting teeth you tell the world that you hate her.  (you're a horrible actor.)

I've never been this happy and I'm single for the first time in over a year.  That is so strange to me.  Sometimes I'll just be doing nothing and get this overwhelming sense that something is amazing, everything is great, and I'm just stoked on life.  I stop to think "what could it be?  am i forgetting something?"  But I'm not; I'm just happy.  I think for the first time ever I like truly like myself as much or more as/than i like everybody else.  I wonder if that sounds selfish?  It isn't.. I mean if I don't take care of myself, who is going to?  Nobody.  99 problems and a bitch aint one!

Every time I get too close to you I load my gun and I'm good to go.  The bullets come easy and free and in the form of  all the niceties you forgot to give me.  Loading them slow is the best way and reminding myself I am your Sunday in the face of Saturday.  It's not like duck hunt, this is the real deal, not a pixelated screen with a orange plastic gun.. I'm shooting up the place and every bullet that hits a target is a step closer to forgetting your face.  The bigger the bullet the bigger the hole.  I don't believe in the right to bear arms but somehow I always end up in yours.  Its a three way street with no left turns; I always think I'm in control but when I slam the breaks the tires burn.  A drive by's in order to remind you the scene; me and you are on separate planets.  (But on the same bed, entangled with sheets, staring at the same exact tv screen.)  It's funny how the speed of light beats out a bullet in a mad frenzied flight.

There's a fine line between love and addiction and I always cut to the front.  I fall in love from the ground up, I judge people by their shoes.  This tactic is whack because every single time I lose.  If lying were a past time I'd sick back and watch you operate with a box of cracker jacks.  That 7th inning stretch seems to take forever but that's because you cut out and forgot to leave a note.  The third base coach was telling me to slow down and I swear I saw the umpire laugh at me when I slide into home base, but when he took his mask off he had the most stoic face.  You and I, we've never met because that requires a formal interaction, a shaking of hands and exchange of names, not just a sucker punch to the face to cause the other person pain.  This is the big leagues kid, and I forgot my cleats, it's times like this I wish was an innocent by stander, who paid 25 cents to watch this bullshit from the nose bleed seats.

My life right now is amazing for the first time in part to nobody else.  I've been living true to myself and others and it feels really good.  My classes are amazing and every time I start to doubt my ability to be a teacher something happens to give me hope.  Teaching is .. I can already tell.. the hardest job I'll ever have had.  If you don't think it is, I dare you to try it and sit in on one of my classes some day.   I have somehow disposed of all the bull shit and all the bull shitters in my life without even trying and I am left with only true friends and true blue people.  (Thank you to those who stick around).  I am not jealous anymore of any body and can honestly say right now I like being single.  My bday is coming up and I get to go to dinner w/ my fam and the next day I get to see Vampire Weekend and ColdWar Kids which is going to be AMAAAAZING.  I plan on partaking in several beverages by the way!  (Thanks to Darren who's going to be the DD).  I am interviewing a family today for a project with a lady in my class and since she doesn't speak Spanish she had me call the lady to set it up.. I was soo scared but the Spanish came right out and I understood her perfectly.  This blog is boring and really factual and rudimentary but I rarely write a positive one so here it is!